Hell freezes over

Well, it's not only about the cold weather (by the way, it's December 1 tomorrow, 20 more days until winter and if it continues like that there will be penguins marching around). 

I am in the middle of office hell. I can't be specific but I really have a problem that is sooo big I think I am ready to walk out. And I should.

About the problem, it happened that yesterday I passed by this place to pick up a document and then another place to leave some advertising for our classes. While there, I have been informed that my U. is supposed to pick up a big package from them, like a huge gift, and nobody (in the higher positions in my U) has even said thank you after a month and nobody even showed up.......

That's the general thing. Now I don't want to go into details but THAT pissed me off. So much that after Indian lunch with a friend (I loooove Indian food), I run @ my dept and started to get who is supposed to act to act. 

I realized (if only I could explain more!) that the person who is my director now, as nice as a lady as she might be, she couldn't care less, and all the rest is just bs.

I called up my Advisor and we talked a lot about the problem, she got involved and acted on it and finally the higher instances decided to come down their clouds and moved their honorable butts! There's only one detail: do you know who has to do the job for them now? Yes, that's me. And I am not happy about it. It's Friday, I am off and I spent the day on the phone to clarify things with x and y, and writing reports that are not what I should be doing. 

To make long (rant) story short, I had enough!

I am teaching 12 hours a week, I work 18 hours a week in the office and I am supposed to work on week-ends to finish up stuff not even for me? 

I am sick and tired about being sick and tired. I can't get anything out of this job. Nothing. It's paperwork, it's rushing, it's working for people that don't even bother to thank you and I had my share. 

I don't have time for anything else. Why? Because all I do is work work work. Don't get me wrong, I love teaching, I can even live with grading. But I miss my research time. I miss having more than 20 minutes per day for me. I want to be a professor but the bottom line is this administrative job right now is preventing me to do research and to write. I am falling off the research wagon because of this. 

So I can do two things: drop the teaching or drop the job. I think I will go with the latter. I have enough seniority that I can teach a minimum of 3 classes per trimester plus one or two in the summer. If I only had that, I wouldn't have to worry about having free time. Oh, by the way have I ever told you that with 3 hours of teaching I earn just 25$ less than my 18 hours per week job?

I have complained about it several times, but now I think I am ready. I can let go. I can go now. I feel like it's over. I am done.

But, because we should never rush things even after a big day like yesterday, I'll finish the trimester and then I will leave and go home for the holidays. When I'll be back in January I'll make the decision. 

Right now I am just exhausted.

Two weeks from today I'll be off to Europe and home for 15 days. I can't wait to be back.

Sunday crankiness

I don't like Sundays. There's too much stress about Sundays: I feel squeezed into an unforgiving schedule for the following 4 days. And I am anxious about the week, the classes, everything. I am on a very tiring schedule this trimester and I don't like it. 

And, as usual, I have done a lot of things (correcting, preparing, scheduling) but I haven't written a word for my article that I wanted to finish before I leave. Bad me!

I feel guilty and I wonder in self-deprecating toughs. I need a vacation. 

Three weeks to go..... and counting!

Why?

I have been correcting papers all afternoon. There is this Student who did a good presentation in class. I was happy with it. Then Student gave me hier (his-her) text.

I checked on the web, because I always check (and I let them know at the beginning of the year!). I just do it, for everybody and every text.

And what do I find? Student quotes some web-sites but forgot to quote the one that is exactly as hier text.

What am I, dumb?

Now, because the text is not copied (as in copy and paste) but resumed (as it has the same structure and subdivisions, and the text is the equivalent but at least in other words), what should I do? It's borderline plagiarism.....

I hate this, I hate, I hate it and I hate it!!!!!!

GGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!

The snow-Part 2

Et voilà! Here's a pic of the monster on the path we take every morning. He's happy with the snow. He loves to run in it and roll and being his sweet silly self.

I have taken it slowly over the last two days. I am tired. I can't wait until this session is over. And I have a problem with a student.
This student gave his-her presentation on a subject, let's say the production of wood in Canada. Student made a couple of affirmation that aren't completely true on the matter and they were discussed in class. I think that what Student said didn't make any sense and was clearly made up of statistics that were not verified.
Now, as I have Student's text in front of me, I realized Student quoted Wikipedia and a travel site as his-her only bibliography! I think this is unacceptable and lazy. For heaven's sake, how about thinking before going on line and take everything that is out there with a grain of salt? How about also get your damn information from more than 2 web sites???????

Now, I will have the pleasure to deal with it. Wish me luck. I have a friend who's an expert on the subject, so I will ask him for help. I just know something is wrong, but I want to back me up before I revise the matter. And by that, I intend with scientific support about the issue to let this Student know that this is not research, it's bs!

On a brighter note: another student delivered his-her presentation on a trip he-she made with his-her bike on the West Coast that was just amazing and inspiring. More than 5 months away on your bike. I miss those trips, like backpacking somewhere. And what was amazing about what Student said was that is not the destination that is important, but the trip. That it's during the trip that you find yourself, not when you arrive. I liked it a lot and kept thinking about the matter all week. I think we are all very goal oriented and sometimes (even more than sometimes) we forget to think about that is the process that is important, not the goal per se. I am thinking about writing because I rarely have the time or the energy to focus on that. And when I do have both I am paralyzed because I think at the end goal: getting this piece together, while the important part is the writing process and learning and putting ideas together.

I should definitely learn from this student. Learn to listen better to myself and to enjoy what I am doing right here and right now.
Nice zen thinking for the week-end.

Snow

This morning I woke up and it was SNOWING!!!!!!!!

In November!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It was supposed to turn into rain but it snowed enough in the morning to accumulate on the ground. Welcome to Canada! :-)

I guess winter is just around the corner...... :-(

An upgrade from the week-end: I was able to escape the Friday event. I had to go in for Sunday and the open doors. I stayed until 2 p.m. I came home. Husband prepared a light brunch and then I read the newspaper and then... well, I had a 2 hours black hole until 5 when Husband woke me up!!!!!

And guess at what time I went to bed?
(now I feel either tired, or... old!!!!!!!!)

By 8:30 that was the end of my day.

Holidays where are you?

Busy

I have been very busy lately at the office plus my husband's moving.

I have a tons of corrections to do (yes, I procrastinate) and a lot of meetings with students and even more language evaluations. I feel I am running out of time, all the time. I have productive days and then I "collapse" on the weekend. I need to sleep in, and simply sleep a lot. I had a two hours nap on Saturday!

The students this session are particularly nice. Yesterday I received a message in which the student told me she was sorry she left the class early but she had a rough day and because she loves my class very much she will be there Wednesday. I found that cute.

And on Sunday I have to come in and work in the morning as it is the day of open doors. And I got stuck in having to attend a departmental meeting on Friday too. Unfortunately.

Well, I am not a professor and even if invited to those meetings I don't even have the right to vote (the major reason why I don't show up). So why coming? Apparently because they are discussing one thing about one of the courses of my section and my director won't be here because she has something scheduled (so do I, by the way).

I made it clear in the nicest possible way that I would attend if she couldn't go but I would have counted those hours and I would recuperate them (as well as for the Sunday work). Listen, I don't get paid for extra hours, it's not in my role to put in extra hours (my position is a part time thing and not a permanent one), so why should I, if I have never received a thank you for it? I stick to what I have to do and that's it!

But I find this increasingly frustrating because I am left to do the job of a professor without having any benefits and my schedule is packed when all the responsibilities shouldn't be on me.

And yes, I finished sending applications for jobs today. I have sent 6 of them this year in places I would be ready to move to. I decided that if I was to move I needed to do it only for places that I cared about. We'll see how that will develop even if, and I think I have said it before, I don't feel ready to move now from Big Canadian City but I certainly feel ready to move out of this job!

RBOC as Crankiness

• It's Marathon Teaching day: 6 hours of high energy and the following day to crash
• I am tired, and I didn't even started yet
• It's cold, actually it was snowing this morning!!!!
• I have 2 papers to grade and a some oral presentations marks to review and assign
• I have to prep 2 classes in 2 hours, yes right!
• Can this day be over soon?
• There's a conference deadline I don't want to miss but it's so close I don't know if I'll make it....
• I am stressed and overworked
• I need a vacation
• I won't get one for another month
  

Back to normal

So I am back. Today I had my usual long Monday and I am tired.

The week-end was wonderful. Husband and I had a great time. Too bad it's always too short. And then getting back to normal life is very very hard. But we managed to get things done and I think his new (our) new apartment will be very very nice. Now all I have to do is get my driving licence and we'll be up and running. I would love to move to the Capital if a position opened. Actually I have sent my applications for 3 jobs this year and I have 3 to go.

I am reluctant, to be very honest. Because Husband moved, I don't feel like I am ready to move far away. At least not this year. Am I crazy? Well, I just guess if in those 6 applications there is 1 that will really fit for me, I will take the opportunity, if not I will concentrate on my publications this year and next year I will be ready to get on the market after a peaceful year still in this Big city. I have this little voice that tells me it would be too harsh to move this coming summer to be even more far away. Should I listen to it? I think I need to listen to it. I need to spend another peaceful year here, with less stress on all levels before I can move somewhere. If I am not ready, I am not ready. I can't force it.

I have to work hard tomorrow as I have to prepare my classes but I can stay home in the morning, so those extra hours will help. As the extra hour of sleep.
Now I will go to sleep. I am falling asleep in front of the computer. Not a good sign....

Tomorrow

I am leaving tomorrow for the weekend. It will be good to relax for two days and think about something else than my classes, grading and work.

I still have to pack. It's cold and all the leaves are almost gone. I feel very sad when the end of autumn sinks in and we feel that days -so short!, when I walk my boy in the morning it's still dark- are shorter and shorter and winter is just around the corner.
So I guess I will keep warm and I'll try to have the most romantic moments with my Husband. It's hard living apart and it's good to find time to be together without the stress of ordinary life once in a while.

See you in a couple of days!